Fear in the Face of Success

I never thought I'd be writing this post. By all conventional metrics, I'm living what many would call a success story. I'm a software engineer earning a decent salary. I hold a Blue Card that allows me to work anywhere in Europe. I'm married, integrated into German society, and just weeks away from applying for German citizenship. Yet here I am, feeling an overwhelming sense of fear and uncertainty.

It was 2016, I left my home country seeking stability. I arrived in Germany on a student visa, determined to build a better life. I threw myself into my studies, learned the language, worked as a working student with decent salaries, and found love along the way - marrying someone from my home country who had already become a German citizen. After graduation, I secured a job in tech and have been working steadily since 2018, paying into the pension system and social security, never once requiring government assistance.

I did, and still doing everything "right". Everything by the book. I followed every rule, checked every box, climbed every ladder. I'm not particularly political - not conservative, not progressive, just a normal person trying to live a decent life and build a future. I guess I'm the kind of immigrant story that gets held up as an example of successful integration.

But lately, I find myself gripped by an inexplicable fear. The rise of far-right movements, the growing anti-immigrant sentiment, the AfD's increasing popularity, and the horrible incident happened in Munich - it all creates this suffocating atmosphere of uncertainty. The irony isn't lost on me: I left my homeland seeking stability, only to find that same feeling of instability following me here, despite all my achievements.

The hardest part? I can barely articulate what exactly I'm afraid of. My position is secure on paper. I have a residence permit, a well-paying job in a critical sector, and I'm on the verge of citizenship. Logically, I know these things protect me. But fear isn't logical. It seeps through the cracks of our rational defenses, finding its way into our quietest moments.

Perhaps what scares me most is the shifting ground beneath our feet. When I came to Germany, I believed that hard work, integration, and playing by the rules would guarantee security. Now I'm questioning whether any of these guarantees are as solid as I thought. It's not just about legal status or economic security - it's about belonging, about the fundamental right to feel at home in the place you've chosen to build your life.

I'm sharing this not because I have solutions, but because I suspect I'm not alone. There must be others out there - other skilled professionals, other "successful" immigrants - who behind closed doors feel this same creeping anxiety. Who wake up some mornings wondering if the life they've built stands on shakier ground than they thought.

This is not a story of despair, though. It's a story of complexity - of how success and fear can coexist, of how belonging isn't just about paperwork or professional achievements. It's about acknowledging that even those of us who seem to have "made it" carry our own fears and uncertainties.

To my fellow immigrants who might be feeling this way: you're not alone. To my German neighbors: this is also what integration looks like - caring so deeply about our adopted home that its political winds can shake us to our core.

I don't have a neat conclusion to offer. Just my truth, my fear, and my continued hope that by speaking these things aloud, we might find both understanding and strength in our shared humanity.